October 4, 2018

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Still haven’t made my deadline. Of course. Still haven’t written a word. Of course. Still haven’t faced any of my feelings. Of course. Is it obvious that I hate myself? Is it spilling off this page? If I could punish myself with words, I would. If I could punch myself into feeling better, I would.

There’s no way, it seems, to erase the pain. The well is deep. The feelings in there are fucking awful.

In the words of The Grinch, “I loathe myself.”

Day 116 – Dark Day.

October 1, 2018

All I do is work and eat and work and sit and try to stay up and sleep and work. Do other people have hobbies? Energy?

I have a writing deadline… So far, all I’ve written is my name at the top of the page. You do not write your name at the top of scripts.

Day 113 – Work Work Work Work Work Work (thanks, Rihanna)