July 10, 2018

Dropped my friend off tonight at his house, and as we were having a lovely conversation (bitching about life), my car started going crazy: honking by itself, spewing out some sort of liquid, and then shutting off. It did distract us long enough that we checked it out, but we both decided it couldn’t be that big of a deal, so I drove home. I can’t be bothered.

These are the types of decisions I make when left to my own devices. Who said I could handle things??? THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN I HANDLE THINGS. I watched TV all day, sent two emails vaguely referencing work things, ate dinner with friends, bitched about life, and then when my car decided to do the Electric Slide, I assumed it was fine and just drove on home like AN IDIOT. It didn’t end well (obviously).

At what point does this get easier or make any more sense? A friend of a friend had a rough night and we discussed how anxiety can be debilitating and she was like, “Oh, I don’t have it like you have it. That sounds terrible.” And then I had to think… Should the person I’m trying to comfort actually be comforting me? Do I have any idea what I’m talking about? Any idea what I’m doing? No. No I do not.

Should I take a nap to help me deal with all of this? Yes, yes I should. But first, let me go on Facebook to distract myself, then on Instagram to wonder why I lost 400 followers in a week (and subsequently feel bad about myself… even though my Instagram is MY DOG’S ACCOUNT), and then realize that maybe therapy could save me but more likely they’d be like “You’re too much, please leave, we can’t help you,” followed with lots of food I shouldn’t be eating and a phone call from my Mother reminding me why she hates me to round out the evening. Ahhh what a lovely, relaxing day, said NO ADULT EVER.

Do they make life jackets for actual life, or just for the water?

Day 30 – Adulting within 30 minutes of eating.

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