Here’s the thing: If I am complaining about myself – whether or not you can hear it – it is not meant for you to JUMP IN AND TELL ME TO STOP. I can complain about myself if I want to.
This time, what happened was, I was talking to a friend outside and I was saying all the different ways that I hate myself (there are many, and I was making sure to get all the details right), when a guy walked past. And in the most stoner voice I’ve ever heard with the most stoner eyes I’ve ever barely been able to see, he stopped and said, “Don’t hate yourself. Love yourself.” I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. DON’T YOU TELL ME HOW TO FEEL.
But I didn’t say that. I said, “Oh, okay, sorry.” LIKE THE WOMAN I AM. I APOLOGIZED BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WE DO. And then I remembered that that’s not what I do. So when he told me again – as if for the first time because he was, once again, stoned – that I should love myself, I said, “Cool, super helpful. Thanks. Love myself. What words of wisdom.”
And as he was leaving he said, “One more thing. Positivity.” Now, at this point in my midnight life lecture, I was over it. I’m sure that someone somewhere would be like, “Gee whiz, Mister. Thanks for the great insights to life.” I, however, am not and was not and will never be that person. Instead, I said, “Happy. Got it.”
Not to be outdone, he said, “HAPPILY NEW YEAR,” and walked off into the night. I’m not 100% sure, but I think he won.
But as life has a sense of humor that I do not get, as soon as I got home, I saw an email from someone I was supposed to work with bailing on the ALREADY CONTRACTED POSITION for which I had JUST turned down other people. So. Ha. Ha. Ha. Apparently. Life is hilarious. I need a nap.
Day 31 – Everything sucks but most especially humans.