I did my best today. I left the house. That’s big, you guys. I took an actual shower with water and soap and everything. I washed my goddamn hair, people. It’s probably the most effort I’ve put into anything in a while.
I put on pants. Well, no, I put on a dress (that was actually a nightgown but I don’t think anyone could tell… or at least no one said anything, which is the same thing in my opinion). So I put on my sleepwear and some booties and I threw my hair in a bun (effort was done) and I walked out the door. Seriously the most I’ve done in a long time.
I got dinner with a few friends, but they refused to seat us at first because we didn’t have a reservation (they had more than 20 tables open – yes, I counted because I’m petty and then complained about it to my friends until they sat us because I’m really petty). We finally ordered, at which time they brought me the wrong food, then forgot my new order, then spilled coffee on me/the table, then charged us for drinks we didn’t buy, then told one of my friends there weren’t nuts in his dessert (he’s severely allergic) until he’d already eaten part of it, then they came back and said it did have nuts, did he want a different one NEVER MIND HE’S DYING – and still charged us for it.
I almost gave up then because I ALREADY DID SO MUCH but I’d told another friend I’d go to a birthday party with her. I went at 9 PM because I am not waiting in lines nor am I going out past midnight hello I’m not 20. So we got there and chatted before it got too loud to do anything other than say “what?” 1,000 times and pay too much money for watered down lime with ice. It was amazing, actually, to spend time with this friend. I felt like I’d made an alright choice…
Until the place filled up and I started sweating from all the nasty body heat and still the birthday girl wasn’t there and by the time she showed up THREE HOURS LATE – AT MIDNIGHT – I had done my due diligence so I left and had a nice chat with my Lyft driver on the way home. Honestly, I normally believe silence is the best policy in a ride share, but he was really cool plus I’d had such a social evening I figured I’d get it all out tonight so I don’t have to talk to anyone again for another month.
Day 20 – Saw other humans and was social. Big day.
A Year to Grieve 