I am avoiding talking about all the real things. If I talk about the thing that makes me paralyzingly sad, I will be too sad to function. Duh. But really. It’s true. If I talk about my favorite TV shows and ice cream and the dumb thing I did today, then I can keep moving and breathing and getting out of bed.
I write this to be cathartic, but I don’t often use it that way. I talk about my relationship. I bitch about work. I drool over a cookie I ate today. I write about politics and then delete it because it just makes me angry and instead talk about my dog.
How the actual fuck do people survive devastating things without annoying everyone around them or collapsing into an immovable ball of tears or both?
Day 115 – I…Sad.
Normally, surgery is not funny. But usually AFTER the surgery is hilarious. Nothing is better than someone who is on heavy painkillers and thinks it’s the absolute right time for confessions, opinions, ideas, and an insistence that they have a burning cigarette up their nose.
It was a pretty good day if I look at the individual moments, which isn’t usually my strength. USUALLY I notice how the whole thing is full of annoying moments (people) and it all adds up to a really annoying day (with people) and then it seems annoying overall (mostly because of the people). But today, there was laughter in the face of tough times, and that’s really what I love. I know it sounds a little weird, but if any of you knew what my family was like, you’d realize that laughing through tragedy is just a normal Tuesday (yes, today is Thursday, don’t sass me).
So when my dad pulled the oxygen out of his nose to try to find his invisible burning cigarette, or when he tried to get up and leave the hospital because “it’s time to go,” or when he called the nurse in because he had to pee, but instead insisted he was in the wrong room and then proceeded to pee during the conversation, I enjoyed every moment of it. And then I had cake. Oops.
Day 46 – Comedy/Tragedy