Good news, I guess. Again, not about the thing I really care about, but about something else. Work.
I make pro/con lists. That’s what I do. I make them about everything except: should I spend an obscene amount of money I don’t have online shopping for clothes, and then leave town so it’s a Russian Roulette of whether the stuff will get stolen off my front porch or still be there when I return? It’s a fun game.
If I take the proffered job, I make money and I get a good credit from a good network and have stable work for about 6 months. If I don’t take the job, I can go to film festivals and be available for work that is MUCH closer to what I want to do and go home to see my parents and grieve together and also help them.
I was hoping making that list would help. It didn’t. This is all I thought about today. When I wasn’t buying clothes online.
Day 79 – To Work or Not To Work?