Independence Day… There are so many things to consider. My political opinions and leanings aside, I would normally ignore today because I’m not that into fireworks, red, white, & blue cakes, themed parties, backyard BBQ’s, matching theme outfits, crowding onto the beach, and trying to figure out which restaurants are still open so I can order take out and sit in my house.
Except I’m REALLY into the last one. I ordered take out with two of my closest friends and while we shoved Thai food into our mouths, we sat inside in the AC and played Trivial Pursuit and Phase 10. I turned 80 last night, apparently. Who knew? But I really do love me some board games. And card games. (Competing gives me life!)
And then they left and it became hard again. It’s hard, man. Life is hard. Do you ever get through what you think is a good day – or as good a day as you can imagine – and then the sad thoughts creep back in and it crashes your day? That happens to me all the time. Like today. Friends, food, escape room, more food, laughter… Then they leave, and I listen to fireworks from my couch and think about the years I spent as a kid with my family and it has that nostalgic glow, that rose color that memories can take on, and I get deeply sad. Sadder than I was happy, it seems.
It can also happen when I think I’m having a good day and then something “bad” happens – anything from a driver flipping me off to someone telling me I’m doing a bad job at work to actual tragedies – and it crashes back down. Ever experienced that? It sucks. It’s too bad I can’t hang on to that good feeling the whole day. Like the entire day. Start to finish. Sunrise (10 AM when I wake up) to sunset (3 AM when I go to bed). Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of times when I get to live happy moments, but I look forward to the day that they are more than just moments. Wishful thinking…
Day 24 – Happy sad.
A Year to Grieve 