I actually went to the gym today. And unlike previous times, I didn’t just see it from afar and leave; I went inside. I sat on some of the machines. I ran (walked) for an hour (30 minutes).
I thought I’d died. I told my friend to come claim my body. I was on the floor near the rowing machines when he found me. He suggested we get dinner, so I came back to life and off we went.
I don’t think I’ll be doing that again. It did make me feel hopeful, though, to get out of the house and be reminded of how in shape so many other people are. I no longer need to worry about keeping up with them. I can’t. They look great. But I left the house AND I left it to go workout. So…big important day around here.
I don’t know if you’ve ever done this, but I like to clock the small wins in my life. Like, I make a “To Do” list, and if I shower, but it obviously wasn’t on the list, I’ll add it to the list so I can cross it off. Small win. I do that with checking the mail, putting on clean socks, eating lunch, making my bed (throwing the covers back over my spot), finding a new pen, opening the blinds in the morning…the list is long. Every time I do something – anything – I add it to the list and check it off.
Gym.
Now it doesn’t matter if I find work, make money, rewrite my resume, publish a book, buy a house, go grocery shopping, or meet Melissa McCarthy. I added and crossed off so many other things from that list…I’m good now, right?
Day 22 – Gym and progress and hope.
A Year to Grieve 